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Hi guys!

Happy Valentine’s Day! May your month be filled with romance, titillation, and excitement! In today’s feature article, we’ll take a step away from all the serious topics surrounding gay dating and relationships and have a little fun with some tips on flirting to help jazz up your lovelife. Enjoy!

I apologize once again for the barrage of e-mails you received last month announcing the free e-courses that are now available to you as members of The Gay Love Coach community. We were having some technical difficulties over here on this end (does anybody else get psycho-crazy with computer problems like I do?) and we’ll try to ensure that that doesn’t happen again in the future. Thanks for your patience and understanding! For those of you who did not receive the emails, you are entitled to a free 5-week e-course of your choice: “How to Find Your Life Partner” for singles and “Partners In Life” for couples. If you did not receive this and would like to sign up for one, please send me an email to brian@thegaylovecoach.com and I’ll send you the link to sign up. I hope you enjoy them and find them helpful!

The Gay Love Coach website has had a slight make-over this past month. Check it out at http://www.thegaylovecoach.com and let me know what you think! There’s now a section where you can read all the past articles that have been written in previous newsletters and there’s a voting poll on the homepage that has a “Question of the Month” that you can cast your vote on various gay dating and relationship issues. This month’s question is: “How satisfied are you with the sexual relationship with your boyfriend or partner?” Cast your vote and check back each month for a new question!

The Gay Love Coach will be traveling to Louisville, Kentucky on Saturday, March 25, 2006 to give a morning workshop to gay singles on how to have a successful single life as gay men and how to find your life partner. It is being sponsored by The Letter Newspaper (www.theletteronline.com), the leading gay newspaper in Kentuckiana!
Details will be forthcoming, but if you’d be interested in attending this event, please contact Dave at The Letter at editor@theletteronline.com and put Gay Love Coach in the subject line of your message. I hope to meet you there!

Finally, visit the The Gay Love Coach Shop at http://www.thegaylovecoach.com/shop.html for a new product that’s available! “Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life In Today’s World” by David Steele is THE must-have dating book if you’re single and seeking a life partner. With case studies (including a gay man’s), exercises, and assignments, this new book showcases a new dating model that actually works! I highly recommend it and you can purchase it at my site. Invest in your future relationship!

Have a great month and keep those letters coming! I love hearing from you!

All my best,
Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach
Certified Personal Life Coach
brian@thegaylovecoach.com

“Flirt Like A Superstar (And Have Droves of Gay Men Begging For Your Phone Number)”
by Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach

Introduction
You look across the crowded bar to the target of your interest on the other side of the room. He’s dashingly handsome in a leather jacket, leaning up against the wall watching the videos on the TV screen as he sips at his beer. He senses your presence and shifts his eyes in your direction to meet your gaze. He holds the eye contact briefly before looking away. Moments later, he looks back and connects with your eyes again, this time holding the gaze a little bit longer. You slightly raise your eyebrows and shoot him a quick smile. Your heart pounds with anticipation as he nods his head once and cracks a return smile. Green light—he’s interested! You take a deep breath as you plunge into the crowd, making your way toward the hottie across the room to make your introduction.

Flirting is an art form in which you use both verbal and nonverbal communication to express your interest in someone. My confession is that during my single days, I was horrible at it! My best friend and I would parade all over the gay district in Chicago and he always seemed to be able to charm everyone we encountered while I didn’t have a clue as to what I was doing. How does a man with flirt with another man? I’d either be too self-conscious to risk approaching someone or I wouldn’t know how to respond to the other guys’ advances, sabotaging the moment by being too nervous, looking away, or just not even recognizing the signs of being “hit on.” I chock a lot of that up to being a function of having just “come out”, not being fully secure with myself yet, and still trying to learn the ropes of gay dating. But one thing became very clear and that was that flirting is a skill. Some people are more adept at it with their extroverted personalities and creativity, while others have to work at it more and cultivate it to their own personal style.

Anyone can learn how to flirt. The key to effective flirting is to be yourself and not be something you’re not as a way to impress someone. That’s a form of deception and you can come across as phony or contrived. If used the right way, flirting can open doors to getting to know lots of new people and can be a great way to start conversations with men you might be interested in. This article explores the world of flirting and offers tips on how to integrate this skill into your dating quests so that you’ll pique the curiosities of possible love interests who will then want to get to know you better—and perhaps compel them to give you their phone numbers!

Flirting Is Not Cruising
Before going any further, a distinction needs to be made between flirting and cruising. Cruising is a behavior in which one’s main purpose in “cozying up” to someone is to have sex with him. Here, we are discussing flirting, which is a behavior or an ice-breaker toward meeting and getting to know someone for possible dating and companionship. Both are very different and easily confused.

As gay men in particular, our gay culture tends to be very sexualized and you must be mindful of the difference between flirting and cruising as you mingle with other men so you don’t send the wrong signals and sabotage your efforts. One client of mine once said, “There are so many game-players out there that whenever I’m approached by a guy who shows interest in me, I’m immediately suspicious that all he’s after is sex and to get down my pants; especially if I’m in a bar setting.” So be cognizant of your approach to ensure you’re projecting the right message and image you want to convey.

Profile Of A Masterful Flirt
Remember that flirting is a skill that can be learned. The following are characteristics of an individual who is a master at flirting that can enhance one’s success in causing men you’re interested in meeting to be more responsive to your advances. A great flirt is someone who:

•	has a solid self-esteem and exudes confidence and appears self-assured and relaxed
•	has a good sense of humor, is down-to-earth, and is able to laugh
•	has good communication and social skills, including being a great listener and having the ability to be flexible and weave in and out of a variety of social situations with relative ease
•	is good at reading social cues and body language to know when someone is interested or not
•	is assertive, has good boundaries, and is able to cope with rejection without personalizing it and letting it get him down
•	is honest, authentic, doesn’t try to impress by being a show-off, and shows interest in the other person by asking him questions rather than monopolizing the “floor time” by solely talking about himself

Shyness, insecurity, anxiety, internalized homophobia, and weak communication skills are just a few factors that can tend to block one’s comfort level and impede the ability to flirt with savvy.

How Do I Know If He Likes Me?
Unless the guy you’re flirting with blatantly tells you to “buzz off” or directly verbalizes a desire to keep the conversation going, you’ll have to keep your eyes peeled for the signals he communicates in his body language. Things to look for might include:

•	Eye contact: Does he look you in the eyes with warmth and coyly raise his eyebrows or does he look away and shift his eyes about? He could be interested but is just shy or nervous; on the other hand, he could also be looking for an escape hatch, so assess carefully.
•	Facial expressions: Is he animated? Smile back at you? Laugh?
•	Posturing: Does he lean forward toward you with an open stance or appear stiff with arms crossed and back away from you slightly? How does he position himself spatially with you? Does he mirror your body language?

Does he touch you occasionally, especially during a laugh? Give you compliments? Reciprocate dialogue? These are all good signs that he’s interested. Just be aware that there are cultural differences with body language that can mean different things depending on the guy you’re talking with. Too much touch could also convey sexual aggressiveness and poor boundaries, so be cautious and limited with this.

The Infamous Pick-Up Line
“Like, hey dude. What’s your sign?” “Haven’t I seen you somewhere before? You look so familiar!” Barf! Keep these lame, outdated pick-up lines out of your dating toolbag, and get creative! A lot of stock tends to be given to the “opening line” on the singles’ scene, but your introduction statement to someone isn’t as important as the ability to maintain the conversation. That’s not to say that it can’t make an impact, however. Sometimes a great lead-in comment can break through someone’s barriers about whom he identifies as his “type” and can make him take notice when he ordinarily may not have. Witty and creative opening lines can be real attention-grabbers and can heighten someone’s interest.

For example, many years ago I was at a bar with some friends a few days after Christmas and a man grabbed me as I was walking by, pulled me onto his lap, and said, “Hi, I’m Santa, and I’m going to give you what you didn’t get for Christmas this year.” Granted, that was a cruising pick-up line, but sexual innuendo aside, it was a funny and creative opening statement that has stuck in my mind all these years and still makes me smile in amusement.

So make your opening line unique and tie it in to the environment or setting that you’re in. Offer a genuine compliment or comment on a compatible interest you may share. The key is to be yourself and be respectful. If this doesn’t suit your personality, then nothing beats the old stand-by…”Hi, my name is Brian. What’s yours?” with a warm smile and extended handshake.

Action Challenges & Conclusion
In conclusion, the essence of effective flirting comes from having positive self-esteem and sophisticated social/communication skills. Make a realistic appraisal of your flirting potential and use the Profile Of A Masterful Flirt above to assess your own strengths and weaknesses. Read plenty of books on social psychology, mingling, body language, and communication to educate yourself further on how to become more socially graceful. Learn about relaxation techniques to help calm anxiety you may have and practice cognitive restructuring methods for combating negative self-talk that interferes with your confidence and ability to take risks. Take some classes on assertiveness training, join a public speaking group to practice communication skills, and enlist the help of some friends to do some role-plays to further hone your flirting skills. Again, be yourself, have fun with flirting, and be proactive with your desires. Take the initiative and approach that guy on the other side of the room so you can take charge of your life and make things happen! Happy Flirting!

© 2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

“Dateless On Valentine’s Day!”

Dear Coach:

Well, this is the third year in a row where I haven’t had a date for Valentine’s Day and it’s rather depressing. I can’t help but resent hearing about all the plans everybody has when they talk about their Valentine’s dates at work, and I swear I’m going to vomit if I see one more Hallmark commercial about this holiday. As a single person, what can I do to make it through this day?

Dateless

To all you unattached singles out there, don’t let this day dampen your spirits! Valentine’s Day has become very commercialized and contributes to the stigmatization of being single if you let it! In my opinion, the true value of a relationship is to be able to celebrate each other as a couple every day, not just on one day of the year that tends to put a lot of pressure on couples to perform “just the right romantic act” and can cause singles to feel left out and “less than.” Not true! This day is just like any other day that’s intended for you to live it to the max and keep striving toward your dreams and goals.

But, at the same time, it does seem near impossible to escape from all the hoopla that the media places on Valentine’s Day. So what follows is a short list of activities that you can partake in to help you cope with “The Valentine’s Day Blues” so you can come through it on the other side in a positive mood.

1.	Pamper yourself today! Get a massage, go to a spa, soak in a hot tub, send yourself some flowers. Do whatever activity is self-soothing and rejuvenating for you.
2.	Reach out to your support system and spend time with your friends and family.
3.	Before the holiday arrives, get a group of your single friends together and draw names. Each of you then becomes responsible for buying the person whose name you drew a Valentine’s gift that expresses how much you care about that person as a friend.
4.	Spend a quiet, relaxing evening at home watching your favorite rented DVD movie. Or perhaps break open your journal and reflect on how you feel your life is going. Write about the benefits of being single and craft a vision for the type of future you’d like to have. Develop some goals you’d like to accomplish.
5.	Draft a dating plan that incorporates your personal requirements, needs, and wants for a partner and a relationship.
6.	Attend a singles’ event or venue and practice your flirting skills without attachment to outcome.
7.	Volunteer for a cause that means something to you on this day.
8.	Go for a walk, exercise, or channel your feelings into creating some kind of art project or writing or musical composition.
9.	Spend some time with children or animals/pets. Nothing lifts the spirits like the contagious energy and passion they exude.
10.	Give back to the gay singles’ community and plan some kind of singles’ event for other unattached singles on Valentine’s Day that you could launch next year to reach the millions of others who are going through what you are too.

The important thing is to acknowledge your feelings that you’re experiencing on Valentine’s Day, process them, and then channel them into a productive outlet. Avoid dwelling on your disappointment and succumbing to the depressive pulls. Don’t put so much stock into the meanings of this particular day and instead be proactive and make this day a positive one that will allow you to keep the momentum going as you keep living and striving toward your vision of your ideal lifestyle. Enjoy!

--The Gay Love Coach

This section is dedicated to you members/subscribers where you can offer your own tips and insights, as well as make announcements for resources pertaining to gay dating and relationships that you know of that would be of benefit to us all! Please feel free to forward these for possible inclusion to brian@thegaylovecoach.com.

•	The Monthly Gay Horoscope:
	The horoscopes are taken from the astrology column “Stargayzer” through “The Starry Eye” by Madam Lichtenstein, and are written exclusively for the gay community. For more info on the column or to check out the other monthly horoscopes, visit the site at http://www.thestarryeye.com/Stargayzer/index.cFm. The following are for those of you having a birthday in February! Happy Birthday!
	AQUARIUS (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Even if you are a delegating layabout, February buffs and shines your corporate star. Turn your attention into maximizing your profile and use your current supply of charisma to charm the pinstriped sharks. Aquarians seem to do no wrong professionally. Not only do you get credit for others’ efforts, your foulest errors get lost in the static and forgotten. Life ain’t fair!
	PISCES (Feb 20 - Mar 20) Fish are off to seek adventure this February and manage to discover exotic, spicy loves in far reaching corners of the world. Plan a vacation with a special valentine or jet off on your own and see who you can meet along the way. If time and money are tight, loosen up by venturing into new areas of your own neighborhood. Or maybe you’ll just decide to order in...?
•	Did you enjoy this segment’s article on flirting? Go to links2love.com's flirting quiz to take some self-assessment surveys to gauge your flirting skills and potential.
•	Over age 40? Check out www.gaylifeover40.com for anything and everything catering to the life and times of gay men over 40. The site has personal ads, live chat, e-cards, shopping, and articles covering everything under the sun.
•	How To Find Your Life Partner Workshop for Single Gay Men by Brian Rzepczynski, The Gay Love Coach and sponsored by The Letter Newspaper in Louisville, Kentucky: March 25, 2006. Morning workshop for single gay men seeking skills and strategies for improving their dating lives on their quests for Mr. Right. For more information or to register for the event, send an e-mail to editor@theletteronline.com with the words Gay Love Coach in the subject line.
•	Single Gay Men’s Conference in Saugatuck, Michigan: October 2006. Workshops on various topics related to gay singles, dances, social activities. For more information or to register for the event, visit the website at http://www.smsgathering.com.
•	Some additional resources of interest include:
	o Looking for a gay roommate? prideroommates.com o Searching for a good book? o Want more dating & relationship resources? Relationship Coaching Institute o Want to join the largest gay hub? Gay.com

Disclaimer: The Gay Love Coach does not represent or endorse the quality of any products, information, or materials displayed, purchased, or obtained by you as a result of its mention in this newsletter. It’s common sense to do your own due diligence before purchasing a product.

Next issue…Couple's Edition

Copyright © 2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski. All Rights Reserved.